A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
