found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
