I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
