I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
