I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
