I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
