so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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