Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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