I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
