Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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