He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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