Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
