me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
