I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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