Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
