Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
