Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
