I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize