Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
