U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
