Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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