WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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