508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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