highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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