guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
