I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
3 2 1 whiskey
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
