did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
