Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
