i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
