The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
