Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
