dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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