this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
