Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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