It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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