cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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