Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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