Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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