Define "chronic" masturbator.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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