she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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