Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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