I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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