i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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