hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
