im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
