Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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