dude i'm inner monologue high
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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