That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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