My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
