If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
