So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
