You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
