I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
