id be glad to
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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