The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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