Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
