I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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