Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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