One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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