so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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