your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize