another moral hangover. fuck.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
